Thursday, September 30, 2010

Coriolanus 2: Judgment Day

                 Coriolanus is a great soldier who is pressured to become a politician, the politicians think this is a bad idea, and slander him to the point of turning the mob of Rome violent against him. Coriolanus leaves and joins his former enemies, the Volscans. They march on Rome, and just before he marches in and destroys Rome, his mother pleads with him to make peace. He does, but then he is betrayed by the Volscans who incite the people of Coriolone – a city which he conquered and for which he was named – to rise up against him and murder him.

            Coriolanus’s fate was to die in order to make peace. Kind of like the Terminator at the end of T2. Arnold lowers himself into the molten steel in order to destroy the last chip and prevent the rise of Skynet. “I know now why you cry…” And he melts with a thumbs-up. I know now why I cry too, Arnold.

            I love the character of Coriolanus’s mom. She’s a classic stage mom. After he returns from war, she encourages him to run for consul, the highest office in Rome:

 

I have lived

To see inherited my very wishes

And the buildings of my fancy; only

There’s one thing wanting, which I doubt not but

Our Rome will cast upon thee. (2:1)           

 

            Coriolanus is a soldier and a snob; he disdains the common people and doesn’t want to be consul:

 

I had rather be their servant in my way

Than sway with them in theirs. (2:1)

 

            Then, when the other politicians turn the public against him by pointing out that he doesn’t like them (true) and is a danger to them (false), his mother encourages him to keep trying by lying and apologizing, she compares it to taking a town in warfare with false and gentle promises in order to prevent bloodshed:

 

             now it lies you on to speak

To th’ people; not by your own instruction,

Nor by the matter which your heart prompts you,

But with such words that are but roted in

Your tongue, though but bastards, and syllables

Of no allowance, to your bosom’s truth.

Now, this no more dishonors you at all

Than to take in a town with gentle words,

Which else would put you to your fortunate and

The hazard of much blood.

I would dissemble with my nature where

My fortunes and my friends at stake requir’d

I should do so in honor. (3:2)

 

            Coriolanus agrees. He goes to the people, and they quickly accuse him and rouse his constant temper. His angry, defensive outburst leads to his banishment and then the quest for revenge by joining with the enemies.

            And of course his mother confronts him at the last second and pleads with him not to destroy Rome, but to make peace. A good decision, but it does result in his murder:

 

Our suit

Is that you reconcile them: while the Volsces

May say, “This mercy we have show’d,” the Romans,

“This we receiv’d”; and each in either side

Give the all-hail to thee and cry, “Be blest

For making up this peace!” (5:3)

 

            Coriolanus listens to his mommy:

 

O my mother, mother! O!

You have won a happy victory to Rome;

But, for your son, believe it – O, believe it—

Most dangerously you have with him prevail’d,

If not most mortal to him. (5:3)

 

            Moms want the best for their sons. I guess sometimes they’re overbearing and try to control their children’s lives. I have no experience whatsoever with this. My mom and dad were both much younger than I am now when they first became parents and even though they fumbled their way through parts of it, I would say they did a pretty decent job. As 3 of 5, I got space my other siblings might not have had.

            I moved out of our house at 14 to go to a boarding school (by my own choice), and their influence in my life decisions declined even further. 

            As a kid we used to drive our station wagon to Chicago once or twice a year to go shopping at Water Tower Place, or visit the Museum of Science and Industry, and when we drove home we would drive through Evanston, Winnetka, Lake Forest, turning an hour drive on the expressway into a three-hour tour of the mansions and large homes of the North Shore. My parents ingrained in me a middle class fascination with wealth and the opulence it affords. Then when I was 14 we drove the wood-paneled station wagon into Lake Forest (where my boarding school was) and they left me there, to mingle with and wonder at the BMW-driving, international-traveling, blue-blazered classmates of mine.

One weekend I came home from school and told them about how we helped our Geometry teacher get her car unstuck from the snow and she drove us to Ben and Jerry’s to get a Vermonster. It was the description of the giant ice cream dish that got them. The treat’s structural integrity dissolved as Wager, Tito, Reiser, Leo Kim and I soldiered our way to the elusive glass bottom that we glimpsed only momentarily every time we scraped our spoons against it and swallowed another flavor-miasma that nature never intended. They laughed and laughed and when someone else came over to visit – Uncle Dito or Aunt Sylvia – they’d say: “Gabe, tell that story again, about the car stuck in the snow.” And I’d tell it again, and every time I told it, it became more elaborate and ridiculous and I dropped in more ten dollar P-SAT words to show off.

            It became clear soon after that storytelling was in my nature. 

Sarah Conner wanted the best for John Conner, so she trained him to be a soldier and stuff and he defeated the army of the robots. Coriolanus was a soldier and his mom wanted him to be a politician and he achieved greatness, but it cost him his life. My parents wanted me to be whatever I wanted to be, so I do this and call it work. It ain’t exactly bringing in the harvest, but it's all I got to try to make a difference. I don't think there are any Volscians left in the world to get betrayed by and I'm no damn good at fighting robots either.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hos Before Bros: The Cautionary Tale of Antony and Cleopatra

            Occasionally some damn fool decides to test the infallible wisdom of ages and for a moment puts his ho before a bro. The result is always tragic.

            Just this weekend I saw The Town. Affleck has a perfectly good bank-robbing thing going with his best friends, but he puts it all at risk for a hot bank manager whom he took hostage and falls in love with.

Then there’s Romeo and Mercutio, we all know what happened there once Romeo started making the sweet love to Juliet, in Merchant of Venice, Bassanio makes Antonio put his life on the line for him, which is ultimate bro-ness, just so that he can court Portia – lucky for these bros, Portia is a litigious ho, and saves Antonio from his pound-less fate.

            But really, all these fools should have learned from the original cautionary tale: Antony and Cleopatra.

            Antony is ridiculously in love with Cleopatra. Who can blame him? She’s hotter than hot and queen of Egypt. Then he hears that his wife has died and his friend Caeser is in trouble because Pompey wants to kick his ass. Antony runs to Caesar’s aid, and like a true bro, marries Caesar’s sister, Octavia, to demonstrate that he’s down. But Cleopatra is way too smokin’ and Antony is on the next ferry back up that Nile. Like he tells her:

 

You did know

How much you were my conqueror, and that

My sword, made weak by my affection, would

Obey it on all cause.  (3:11)

 

            Of course, you can’t do Caeser’s sister thus, so Caesar brings a load of hurt to Antony’s front door. For a quick minute, Antony thinks he was betrayed by Cleopatra, and he has a lucid moment, free from her spell where he realizes he’s so whipped, he can’t even recognize himself anymore:

 

Sometime we see a cloud that’s dragonish,

A vapor sometime like a bear or lion,

A tower’d citadel, a pendant rock,

A forked mountain, or blue promontory

With trees upon’t that nod unto the world,

And mock our eyes with air. Thou hast seen these signs,

They are black vesper’s pageants…

That which is now a horse, even with a thought

The rack dislimns, and makes it indistinct

As water in water…

My good knave, Eros, now thy captain is

Even such a body. Here I am Antony,

Yet cannot hold this visible shape. (4:14)

 

            Antony stabs himself out of shame, learns that he wasn’t betrayed, apologizes to Cleopatra, and then dies. Then Cleopatra kills herself by getting bitten by a snake.           

            I don’t really have a good personal anecdote to bring this whole thing together. Once I waited to date a girl until she had clearly rejected my buddy who was interested in her, but then she got mad at me for moving to Minnesota and slept with some other guy at a Halloween party. The bro code is so ingrained in my sensibilities that I would never, ever allow a lady to undo my male friendships. Although, truth be told, I sort of avoid that whole thing by having lots of female friends. And hos before hos... that doesn’t even make any sense.

            But I mean, maybe… maybe for Cleopatra. Maybe for the sexiest woman in the history of the galaxy. Maybe I would think about it. There’s only one way to find out. Sexy ladies, you know where to find me… same place I find you. Here, on the internet.

            I’m sure I could pass the test though. You see, unlike these other idiots (Romeo, Antony, Affleck) I listen to the wisdom of the ages. And I’m going to know better. Thanks to my boys Lennon and McCartney.

 

I should have known better with a girl like you.

That I would love everything that you do,

And I do. Hey, hey, hey. And I do.

 

            Too bad they didn’t stick to the bro code themselves, although Oh, Yoko! is a pretty awesome tune.

Monday, September 13, 2010

ANIMECBETH!

Years ago, No Refunds Theater Co. was having a fundraiser called The Great Moments of Kung Fu Theater History. I wrote a little animated piece for it and my brother was working on it, but it was never completed because it was way too complicated for one person to animate. That piece was called Animecbeth. Here is the script for it as well as the promo video I made back then for our website.

Great Moments was the last piece of live theater I had a hand in before I moved to California. I stayed up the entire night before the show and got sick drinking Starbucks Frappuccinos while editing a video yearbook retrospective of our past work. I completely lost my voice and felt like I was going to die by the time we finished the show. It's one of my favorite memories, and one of the things I was most proud of being a part of. I always used to complain that there was too much work and so little money in live theater (especially back in MN), but I miss it, and I miss all my friends from that time of my life. Working hard with good people. You can't beat that.

I may write some more on Macbeth if the mood takes me, but I'm feeling pressed to make it through all the plays by Halloween, so this entry may have to suffice. FYI I wrote this before I had any schooling on screenplay formatting, so excuse the crudity.


Animécbeth

(Open on Intro Montage.)

NARRATOR
Last time on Animécbeth. The weird sisters gave Macbeth a stunning prophecy...

WITCHES
Hail Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor!

(The witches perform some fancy some fancy magic looking thing ala Power Rangers)

MACBETH
Wha-?

NARRATOR
Then the prophecy came true!

DUNCAN
Macbeth, I make you Thane of Cawdor…

MACBETH
Oh!

(Macbeth powers up. Super Mario-ification sound effect)

NARRATOR
Lady Macbeth put on the pants of the family:

LADY MACBETH
Come, you spirits, unsex me here!

(Lightning strikes, she becomes more masculine and powered up.)

LADY MACBETH
Macbeth, you must kill the king so you can be king, or else you’re a wimp, I wanna be queen! AHHHHHH!

MACBETH
Kill the King, oh my gosh! (Close up on Macbeth) Oh, no!

NARRATOR
Macbeth went along with the plan…

MACBETH
Is this a dagger I see before me?

(Duncan is sleeping, but he wakes up.)

DUNCAN
Macbeth?

(Macbeth looks surprised, pan down, we see the dagger)

MACBETH
(nervously)
Uh, ha ha…

DUNCAN
Huh? Uh, ha ha…

MACBETH
(slightly more jovially)
Ha ha ha.

DUNCAN
Ha ha ha.

MACBETH
HA ha ha!

DUNCAN
Ha ha ha!

(They continue laughing. Until suddenly the door bursts open and Lady Macbeth comes in looking all CRAZY like Medusa!)

LADY MACBETH
AHHHHHHHH!!!

DUNCAN
AHHHHHHH!!!

MACBETH
AHHHHHHH!!!

(They all stop screaming. And look, Macbeth has stabbed the king. He dies)

MACBETH
Oh no!

NARRATOR
And then Macbeth became King.

MACBETH
Huh? Okay!

(Macbeth give the okay sign)

NARRATOR
What troubles lie ahead for our Scotsman? We shall see…

(Macbeth walks with Lady Macbeth to dinner. Macbeth goes through increasing states of stress and worry throughout this short.)

LADY MACBETH
I’m so glad you’re King now.

MACBETH
I’m happy and sad too. I’m two different things at the same time… Oh no!

LADY MACBETH
And did you ever see such a fine royal feast?

(Macbeth looks at the table and its feast. There is BANQUO’s GHOST sitting in his chair.)

MACBETH
Oh no! Look a ghost, Ah! Everyone run! It’s the end of the world!

(Mumbling from guests increases.)

LADY MACBETH
He he he, what a funny joke! That’s my husband, quite the actor. He’s always making jokes of one kind or another!

MACBETH
Oh, quit my sight! Ah! Run!

LADY MACBETH
Oh, don’t worry everyone, he’ll stop in a minute.

MACBETH
Ah, everyone run! Ahh! Ghosts! Oh, the fright and horror, Ahh!

LADY MACBETH
(Gets enraged)
All right! Everyone out! Out! OUT!

(The room clears out, LADY MACBETH looks at her hands, there seems to be blood on them)

LADY MACBETH
Huh?


(Insert some sort of action visual transition ALA the bat symbol flying out and back.)

(Macbeth is in the woods to meet the Weird Sisters.)

WITCHES
Double, double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
Fillet of a fenny snake
In the cauldron boil and bake.
Eye of newt and toe of frog
Wool of bat and tongue of dog
For a charm of powerful trouble.
Like a hell broth boil and bubble!
Aha ha ha ha!

MACBETH
Hey you!

WITCH 1
By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes!

WITCHES
Ha ha ha!

MACBETH
Oh, you secret, black and midnight hags. What is it you do? Oh, no!

WITCH 2
Adder’s fork and blindworm’s sting!

WITCH 3
Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing!

WITCHES
Double Double toil and trouble! Ha Ha Ha!

MACBETH
Oh, you’re so weird! What is that Evil Magic? Oh, no!

(An apparition appears from their cauldron. First a severed head with a helmet on, then it poofs and it is a scary baby, and then it poofs again and it is a cute little furry ANIMAL like jigglypuff with a branch in its hand.)

ANIMAL
Dunsinane!

MACBETH
Oh, it’s cute! ...And horrible!

ANIMAL
Dunsinane!

MACBETH
Ha ha ha—Huh?

(Insert some sort of action visual transition.)

(Back at the castle.)

MACBETH
No one born of a woman can beat me until Birnham wood comes to Dunsinane, and that’s impossible. I’m like invincible! OKAY!

(Enter DOCTOR.)

DOCTOR
Your highness, you might want to see the queen, she’s been acting funny!

(Enter Lady Macbeth, she looks crazy and is washing her hands.)

LADY MACBETH
Out, Out damn spot! Out I say! Oh, there’s blood on my hands, get it off, get it off!

MACBETH
Huh? Oh no!

DOCTOR
If she washes her hands for much longer, she could DIE!

(Enter Servant.)

SERVANT
My lord, there’s a woods out there!

(Pause. Macbeth thinks.)

MACBETH
(Timidly)
Is it… Birnham Wood?

SERVANT
YES!

MACBETH
Oh no!

DOCTOR
My lord, the queen is dead. She killed herself of insanity and oversanitation, I’m calling it: INSANITARICIDE!

MACBETH
(Quickly)
Huh? Oh, out out brief candle, life is but a poor player, a walking shadow who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…(pause. Blinks) Oh NO!

MACDUFF
Macbeth!

(Macbeth powers up and leaps through the roof of the castle. There are trees moving toward the castle.)

MACBETH
Macduff!

(MACDUFF jumps from the trees.)

MACDUFF
Ah! Macbeth, you deserve my fury! You killed the king! And my family!

MACBETH
You may be right, but you may also be dead soon!

(They power up, their shirts fly off, we pan up over their rippling 18,000 pack stomach muscles. They collide in a fury of quick punching.)

MACBETH
Ha! You may as well know, Macduff, that no man born of a woman can defeat me, so deal with that!

MACDUFF
You should know that I was cut prematurely from the womb! Ha ha ha.

MACBETH
You should also know that I can’t be defeated until Birnham word comes from Dunsinane!

(Macbeth is surrounded by the men hiding in the trees. He stops smiling. Blinks. And then looks around, he looks dejected)

MACBETH
Oh NO!

(Macduff smiles, laughs and punches off Macbeth’s head, Macduff lands on the ground and Macbeth’s head lands in the grass. Soldiers in the trees cheer. Close up on Macduff.)

MACDUFF
Who’s the meanest?

SOLDIERS
Macduff!

MACDUFF
Who’s the prettiest?

SOLDIERS
Macduff!

MACDUFF
Who’s the baddest mo-fo, low-down around this town?

SOLDIERS
Macduff!

MACDUFF
The shogun… of Scotland.

(A rainbow crosses the sky and flowers bloom. Roll Credits.)




Ian talks about his single person animation effort on the short.
A few days later, he found he had actual work to do that paid him money, so he had to throw in the towel.



Here is the trailer for the remounting of Great Moments.
It features footage from the original one-night production.
I cut this after I'd moved to California.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

King Lear is Very Old, Not Very Wise

Some people say that they have no regrets. That if they could go back they would do it all the same. Live the same life over again, make the same decisions, see the same sights and love the same people.

You have to be the smuggest, most self-deluding jackass in the universe if you think that your life is so amazing that it couldn’t be improved upon.


Take the movie Groundhog Day. Only after repeating that single day over and over for about ten years does Bill Murray achieve a level of fulfillment and satisfaction that makes him truly happy… And that’s just to perfect a single DAY!


All I know is that when I get to my deathbed, if someone is stupid enough to ask me: “Any regrets?” I’m going to say: “Hell yeah, I’ve got regrets. I’ve got boatloads of 'em. Regrets of Titanic proportions, things I should have said, people I should have fought for and years when I should have worked harder. And I’ve got minuscule raindrop regrets, days I should have turned left instead of right, nights I should have gone out, mornings I should have slept in, restaurants at which I never should have eaten. If I could do it all over again... I'd do it differently.”


But for all the things I regret, mine is a raindrop life, and my mistakes don’t nearly approach the scale and horror of King Lear’s disastrous regret.


I think we all know the story of Lear, he was ready to divide his kingdom between his three daughters as long as they satisfied him by professing their love for him. Goneril and Regan, the wicked older sisters, spew a bunch of bombast at him about the totality of their love, and Cordelia, the youngest sister can only be sincere and says she loves her father no more or no less than a daughter should love her father. Lear disinherits her and she marries the King of France. Lear’s wicked daughters kick him out in a storm, and Cordelia comes to find Lear when he’s broken and sad. Then they all die.


There is also the amazing subplot in the play about the Earl of Gloucester, whose bastard son, Edmund, conspires against his brother Edgar to take all the lands and title from their father. Edmund is a villain of Iago-like cunning, with a twinge more humanity than Iago because he desired pieces of a noble life: property, respect and possibly even love. Not to mention that before dying he attempted to stop his last act of villainy, which was to have Cordelia murdered.


Edmund forges a letter from his brother, Edgar, inviting him to conspire to murder their father and share in the inheritance:


“This policy and reverence of age

makes the world bitter to the best of our times; keeps

our fortunes from us till our oldness cannot relish them. (1:2)


The letter claims that Edgar doesn’t want to wait for his father, Gloucester to die before getting his inheritance, because you need to be young to enjoy it. This is an echo of the Duke’s speech in Measure For Measure, and clearly must have been a thought on Shakespeare’s mind. He came into money and prominence late in his life, when he was probably suffering from an STD and -- as he feared -- he did not live to enjoy a long retirement.


Gloucester’s reaction is to blame the stars for the treachery he perceives, both here and in Lear’s actions:


These late eclipses in the sun and moon

Portend no good to us. (1:2)


And after he exits, Edmund reflects on the foolishness of this subscription to prescribed destiny:


This is the excellent foppery of the world,

That when we are sick in fortune—often the surfeits of

Our own behavior—we make guilty of our disasters

The sun, the moon, and stars, as if we were

Villains on necessity, fools by heavenly compulsion,

knaves, thieves, and treachers by spherical predominance;

drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforc’d

obedience of planetary influence; and that we

are evil in, by a divine thrusting on. (1:2)


Lear partakes of this submission to the natural elements when he is out in the storm with his fool:


Rumble thy bellyful! Spit, fire! Spout, rain!

Nor rain, wind, thunder, fire are my daughters.

I tax not you, you elements, with unkindness;

I never gave you kingdom, call’d you children;

You owe me no subscription. Then let fall

Your horrible pleasure. Here I stand, your slave. (3:2)


Lear created this storm for himself. His foolish stepping-down and division of his kingdom cause all of the turmoil. He has the power to come in from the storm, but he does not.


Lear and Gloucester represent an old and foolish way of thinking that certain things are meant to be. Whereas the younger characters in the play are willing to own their free will and go after the things they want. Cordelia’s unwillingness to play her father’s game in the first scene is a perfect example of youthful defiance of the laws of nature and the rule of the old. Whippersnappers.


I may have quoted the following quote before. It’s been important in my life, and I find it appropriate to bring up again here:


Practically, the old have no very important advice to give the young, their own experience has been so partial, and their lives have been such miserable failures, for private reasons, as they must believe; and it may be that they have some faith left which belies that experience, and they are only less young than they were. (Walden, Henry David Thoreau, p. 9)


It was on a walk along the Mississippi River with the first girl I fell in love with that she referred to this line, and I recognized it and completed it. It's no coincidence that the two of us had read Walden. Millions of people have read it, and we were nerds. It's maybe not that incredible that we both remembered the quote. It has some notoriety. But in the moment, it seemed like perfectly accomplished destiny.


What's amazing is that I think back on this walk and this particular love. And even though I feel so strongly that I would do things differently in my life if I could. It's possible that this culmination of youth and literacy would not be recreated nor have an equivalent in other, imaginary iterations of my life.


Would it be worth giving up a few minutes of near perfection to take that chance?

Or is reconciliation the preferable medicine for our regrets?


Lear: ... If you have poison for me, I will drink it.

I know you do not love me; for your sisters

Have, as I do remember, done me wrong.

You have some cause, they have not.

Cordelia: No cause, no cause.

...

Lear: You must bear with me. Pray you now, forget

and forgive. I am old and foolish. (4:7)


Lear screws up and is forgiven before the whole thing falls apart forever. It could be that admitting he was wrong -- the beauty of mercy from the most important person in his life -- could so eclipse his errors that this became the perfect moment of his life.


In Breaking Bad last season, in the episode called "The Fly," Walt laments that he lived past the perfect moment. The moment when his criminal endeavors could have provided for his family enough and the positive perception the people he cared about had of him was still intact. Lear, like Walt, lives too long. Maybe by moments, maybe living past his first line of dialogue was too long. The problem is that if you don't live long enough to screw up, you don't live long enough to enjoy forgiveness. Reconciliation. The mercy of others who have seen our flaws and still find us worthy of affection.


I am 32. I talk about regrets as if those I now possess will be insurmountable in the decades of life that remain. I am young yet, and foolish. I will only grow less young than I am. Hopefully I will grow less foolish too, but I'm not banking on it. It's okay to lament past choices, but the key to mastering regret lies not in time travel and not in parallel universes, but in future action.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

10th Grade Gabe Goes All Intertextual on Measure For Measure

Gabriel Llanas

English 10

Mr. Elieff

April 22, 1994

 

Measure For Measure Intertextual Essay

 

            In order to demonstrate the wisdom of Shakespeare in his play Measure For Measure I will break off a piece of intertextual analysis up in this mug as we were asked to do for this assignment.

            The Duke in this play is a meddler who is too chicken to enforce his own laws in Vienna and leaves the responsibility to Angelo and Escalus. But then he comes back disguised as a friar and messes with everybody. He shows that Angelo is a hypocrite for being lustful even though he tried to execute Lucio for that same crime. And then the Duke himself tries to marry the most virtuous nun-in-training Isabella.

            Guys like the Duke think they know it all and can push everyone around and then act like they’re so smart and heroic. The Duke (disguised as a friar) gives some terrible advice to Lucio while he is sitting on death row for having sex with his fiancé out of wedlock and getting her pregnant. Lucio is waiting to hear how is sister did when she went to beg for his life from Angelo and the Duke tells him:

 

Be absolute for death: either death or life

Shall thereby be the sweeter. (3:1)

 

            The Duke basically goes on to say that Claudio should want to die because life sucks so much. Then at the end, he says this interesting thing:

 

Thou hast nor youth nor age,

But as it were an after-dinner’s sleep

Dreaming on both, for all thy blessed youth

Becomes as aged, and doth beg the alms

Of palsied eld; and when thou art old and rich,

Thou hast neither heat, affection, limb, nor beauty,

To make thy riches pleasant. What’s yet in this

That bears the name of life? (3:1)

 

            The Duke is saying that when you’re young you want the riches of old age, and when you’re old, the riches are no good because you don’t have your youth. Life is pointless because you can never have everything that you want. Or as Sebastian the Crab would say: “The seaweed is always greener, in somebody else’s lake.”

            Debbie Downer in the house.

            Now check this, E-Dog. When I was in 5th grade I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and in the last book they talk about Queen Susan, who wasn’t invited to live in Aslan’s land at the end of Narnia, because she was no longer a friend of Narnia. She could not remember it. When the others would talk about it she would say, "What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.” (Lewis, The Last Battle, p. 154)

Then Polly observes:

 

"She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can." (Lewis, p. 154)

 

            Susan lives in the small overlapping time in life when your youth is at its apex and you have all the trappings you need to be happy. The Duke thinks there is no overlap, and that you are always wanting one or the other. The outlooks are nearly similar, but if the Duke really believes there is no overlap then he is doomed to melancholy.

I just got my braces off, I possess a headful of mad-wavy hair that the young ladies can’t get enough of, I may have acne and no car or driver’s license, but I don’t give a care. It’s like Bill and Ted say: “The best place to be is here, and the best time to be is now.”

            Or even better look at what Oscar Wilde wrote in The Picture of Dorian Gray:

 

“You have the most marvelous youth, and youth is the one thing worth having… Someday when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, when thought has seared your forehead with its lines, and passion branded your lips with its hideous fires, you will feel it, you will feel it terribly. Now, wherever you go you charm the world. Will it always be so?... Youth! Youth! There is absolutely nothing in the world but youth!” (Wilde, The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde, p.186-187)

 

            This speech leads to Dorian Gray living a life of lechery and sinful abandon that gets reflected on his magical painting while his youth is preserved on his face. Susan is kept out of what is essentially heaven in the chronicles of Narnia and Lucio who actually did break the law is saved from punishment by the Duke, who seems to have orchestrated this whole thing just so that he could appear benevolent and hook up with the virginal Isabella.

            As you may be aware I sit on Judiciary Board, and when Sasha and her roommate Karin came before the J-Board for disciplinary action, I was all up in that case. Sasha – as you know – is a grade-A hottie. The two of them had snuck off campus one weekend and gotten busted. They got off pretty easy with a dormed weekend when they could have gotten suspended, but I made a point of being the strongest advocate for fully pardoning their trespasses. So when it came time for their dormed weekend guess who was playing truth or dare up in their dorm room until lights out?

            Somewhere there’s a painting of me dissolving into monstrosity.

            I guess I don’t blame the Duke for playing everyone like he did. I mean, he’s probably just a sucker with low self-esteem who needs to flex the few muscles he has every once in a while in order to impress the ladies. So what if he’s not going to get invited to Aslan’s land. Between you and me, Mr. E, I’d rather kick it on planet Earth with the Susans and Sashas and milk these silly days for all the sweet young nectar they’re worth. Peace.

Monday, August 23, 2010

The End of Magic

All’s Well that Ends Well lives between an era of fairy tales and the age of science and rationality. Within the play there is a mystical power in virginity, and love that conquers riddles and performs feats believed impossible.

Helena is in love with Bertram. The problem is that he is a nobleman and she is a lowly physician’s daughter. Bertram goes to attend the king of France at court. The king is deathly ill. Helena devises a cure from medicines that her father instructed her to use and goes to the court to cure the king, her reward is that she can choose any husband for herself and the king will force him to marry her. She chooses Bertram, who resists, but marries her and promptly runs away with the intention of never consummating the marriage. He later challenges her to two tasks saying he won’t call her wife until she can get his precious family ring off his finger and get pregnant with his child. Helena is smart and tricks him into giving the ring to a hot girl named Diana, and then sleeps with him when he thinks he's sleeping with Diana. In a fairy tale ending, Bertram swears he will love her and we are maybe expected to believe that they are going to live happily ever after.

Early in the play, Helena has an argument with Parolles about virginity. She begins:

Man is enemy to virginity; how may we barricado it against him? (1:1)

Parolles responds in tirade that she is being foolish:

Loss of virginity is rational increase, and there was never virgin got till virginity was first lost. (1:1)

There is no defense for it, man is its enemy and it is natural that he will conquer virginity so that the world will be peopled with further virgins. The circle of virginity. But nearing the conclusion of their argument, we have a mysterious incomplete line. Helena says:

Not my virginity yet: [….] (1:1)

There is debate about how much of the text is lost here, because the proceeding line picks up an entirely new thought. All that is known is that something is missing, and we have no idea what it is.

So what should we make of this missing line? I'm going to jump to a conclusion that serves my present purposes and could be completely wrong. Helena is resolving not to lose her virginity yet. I would think that the missing lines unfold the plan that yet requires her virginity. Namely, she must cure the king of his ailment and marry Bertram. These are monumental tasks, and she needs virgin magic to achieve them.

After Helena cures the king, Lafew observes:


They say miracles are past, and we have our philosophical persons, to make modern and familiar, things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge, when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear. (2:3)


Helena’s virginity brought about the miracle to which Lafew refers. The idea of virginal power persists in this play at the end when the virgin girl Diana goes before the king to argue in Helena’s stead. She is the one who corners Bertram and sets up Helena's arrival as the mastermind behind this plot to win Bertram's love. Why doesn't Helena administer these arguments in disguise the way that Portia wins freedom for Antonio at the end of The Merchant of Venice? I shall tell you. It's because Helena loses her virginity to her husband in the middle of Act 4. With her virginity go her magical powers. The brilliant miracle-worker utters a mere 13 lines in her husband's presence in the lackluster final scene of the play.

Loss of virginity is the loss of magic. I remember this from something else I read.

In the last book of The Prydain Chronicles, The High King by Lloyd Alexander, Taran, Assistant Keeper of the Oracular pig HenWen, defeats the forces of Arawn, Lord of Death, and in a somber twist, the magic that had ruled their age dies out and has to go away (much like the way the elves go to the Grey Havens at the end of The Lord of the Rings).

Unfortunately for Taran, he is in love with the enchantress Princess Eilonwy who must also go away since she has magical powers. Happily it is revealed that she can wish away her magical powers by using a ring she was given in one of the earlier books. Without her magical powers she’ll be able to stay and marry Taran. Throughout the series, Eilonwy also carried around a magical golden bauble that was in part the source of her powers, much like a wand.

Here is the passage where she loses her magic:


Wondering and almost fearful, Eilonwy closed her eyes and did the enchanter’s bidding. The ring flared suddenly, but only for a moment. The girl gave a sharp cry of pain. And in Taran’s hand the light of the golden bauble winked out.

Eilonwy blinked and looked around her. “I don’t feel a bit different,” she remarked. “Are my enchantments truly gone?” (Alexander, The High King, p. 246)


I once dated a girl who, like me, had waited for a long time before having sex. She said she didn’t know why she waited so long and that one day she just looked around and was like what am I holding onto this V-card for?

I was a virgin for a long time, first because I was waiting to be in a relationship with someone I loved, then because I was too hapless and self-conscious to know how to coax someone into physical intimacy. And then I went back to my old fallback of waiting to be in love. The whole virginity-losing process could have been helped along so well if I would have just started drinking beer at an early age like a normal American.

As it happens, it all worked out and I was in love when I first had sex. The girl had warned me that sex is a strange beast. I was a bit brash, and too excited to get on with it at that point to pay her warning much heed. I loved her, I was more than ready, and I downplayed any possible fallout.


Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge, when we should submit ourselves to an unknown fear. (2:3)


In the way that Eilonwy’s bauble blinks out and she doesn’t notice her enchantments are gone, sex doesn’t change you in the instant. Gradually, it unlocks so much that didn’t exist before. It shined a light on the empty spaces of my life and filled them with hope and opportunity. It was great. Until my heart got broken and it all fell apart.

You go to a very dark place when you grow close to someone, imagining a parallel future on and on to golden horizons. And then she diverges. Leaves you. You feel foolish for not having anticipated her needs. You feel like a moron for wanting her when she doesn’t want you. You feel weak when you realize how reliant your happiness was upon her presence.

Helena's heart breaks before she even attains love. But she fights back. Tricking her husband into sleeping with her, and then appears in the end trusting that he'll honor this loose promise:


I’ll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly. (5:3)


Almost with a vengeance does she win his husbandship, which may turn out to be a bitter one.

Maybe her scarce stage-time at the end of the play is intentional. As one of his last (possibly last) comedy, All’s Well That Ends Well isn’t bright. It’s littered with the difficulties of maturation, and it comes as Shakespeare’s mind was leaning into the great tragedies, Othello among them.

Othello tiptoes so close to being a romantic comedy, Iago’s plot of convincing Othello of Desdemona’s infidelity is nearly the same as Don John’s plot to convince Claudio of Hero’s infidelity in Much Ado About Nothing. But in Iago’s universe there was no wit as fierce as his to undo his mischief. Otherwise that play might have ended well for the Moor. What subtle turns kept All's Well That Ends Well from ending in a manner most heinous?

The period is placed firmly on this comic chapter of Shakespeare’s writing with the King’s epilogue. Which makes it plain that this play, where the low class women were able to rise in ranks and in fairy tale fashion conquer men of nobility, is nothing more than a great fantasy. The actor who plays the King removes his crown and says:


The king’s a beggar, now the play is done;

All is well ended, if this suit be won,

That you express content; which we will pay,

With strife to please you, day exceeding day.

Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts;

Your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts. (epilogue)


A play is similar to a seduction. Disbelief momentarily suspended, at the end, the crown of the seducer is removed revealing a person with flaws alike your own. They lend you their gentleness, in hands and in speech, and then take your heart. Or at least a small piece.